Trauma and The Shadow of a “Dissociated” Tsunami

Posted on November 19, 2011 by

The past weeks I have followed the media coverage of the Penn State University case about sexual abuse of children, and how it is handled this far. Articles and blogs are written, some of which more informed than others. In her blog, Robin Shapiro, Psychotherapist and Author, brought attention to Anonymous humble2humble‘s sensitive contemplations about child abuse. It starts like this: “If it had been murder- two separate crimes with two separate witnesses if ten-year-old boys had been disappearing altogether, there would have been police in every corner of the athletic buildings and the rest of the campus.  It wasn’t that kind of murder…Crimes are overlooked-especially sexual assaults and especially when the perpetrators are pastors, priests, scout leaders, and coaches…”

I wonder, like Humble2Humble, Robin, and many, many others, “Are sexual assaults of children too horrible to report?” What make people turn their heads away from witnessing a sexual crime being committed? Why do people close their eyes to sexual assaults? What makes people mute when children are sexually assaulted? Why don’t people want to believe what they see? What emotions and defense mechanisms activates in people if a sexual crime is committed by a respected, powerful authority figure in society ? Is it less difficult to report a sexual crime when committed by someone who is not in a power position?

The Leadership Council on Child Abuse & Interpersonal Violence is a nonprofit independent scientific organization composed of respected scientists, clinicians, educators, legal scholars, and public policy analysts, committed to providing professionals and lay persons with the latest scientific information on issues that may affect the public’s health and safety. They also seek to correct the misuse of psychological science to serve vested interests or justify victimizing vulnerable populations – especially abused and neglected children. On their website, The Leadership Council have made an analysis on:

Eight Common Myths About Child Sexual Abuse 

  • Normal-appearing, well educated middle-class people don’t molest children.
  • People are too quick to believe an abuser is guilty, even if there is no supporting evidence.
  • Child molesters molest indiscriminately.
  • Children who are being abused would immediately tell their parents.
  • Children who are being abused will show physical evidence of abuse.
  • Hundreds of innocent men and women have been falsely accused and sent to prison for molesting children.
  • If asked about abuse, children tend to exaggerate and are prone to making false accusations.
  • By using repeated interviews, therapists or police can easily implant false memories and cause false accusations among children of any age.

As a psychotherapist, I work with adults who were sexually abused as children. Many come to therapy decades after the abuse has ended. A significant part of all the men and women I have had the privilege to help through their journey toward healing never told anyone about the abuse prior to coming to therapy. Their abusers could be parents, grand-parents, aunts or uncles, siblings, cousins, baby-sitters, teachers, sports coaches, friends of the family etc. Sexual abuse of children is imbedded in secrecy and denial. The secrecy is imposed by the perpetrator through a range of intimidations, and is often so deeply internalized, that the child can grow far into adulthood with the secret of the violations intact.

When calculated human evil, sometimes in dressed in the costume of a loving, caring other,  a person who loves children, or a trusted other is sexually assaulting a child, a “dissociated” tsunami hits their immature mind. If left relationally unprocessed, it leaves a fearful shadow that makes it difficult for the abused child to adaptively deal with emotions in connection to others. This traumatic betrayal also weakens the child’s ability to trust, not only others, but also their experience.

Relational trauma, especially when executed by a trusted other, and experienced during early development, has the power to destroy everything and everyone in its immediate way, just like a tsunami. Trauma overwhelms. For a child, it is not possible to comprehend how a person they trust are loving and caring sometimes, and at other times cause them tremendous physical and emotional pain. The contradictions take such dimensions, that the ability to contain and process this ultimate betrayal becomes impossible, and while searching for ways to deal with this unspeakable experience, the child separates itself from the horrifying and painful parts of the experience in order to escape an aversive reality.

Needless to say, no child should have to experience sexual abuse. No child should have to question if it was their fault that the abuse happened. A child is never responsible for the evil and criminal acts of an adult. Never!
Posted in Abuse, Childhood trauma, Complex trauma, Dissociation, Invisible illness, Psychotherapist, Psychotherapy, Relationships, Severe Trauma, Sexual abuse, sexual assault, Therapy, Trauma, Trauma Survivors, Trauma Therapy | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Intimacy With Fear

Posted on November 4, 2011 by

One of my favorite books is “When Things Fall Apart – Heartfelt Advice for Difficult Times.” The writer, Pema Chödrön, is an American Buddhist nun, and a resident teacher at Gampo Abbey, Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, the first Tibetan monastery in North America. established for Westerners.

In the introduction to her book, Pema Chödrön says: “…May it encourage you to settle down with your life and take these teachings on honesty, kindness, and bravery to your heart If your life is chaotic and stressful, there’s plenty of advise here for you. If you’re in transition, suffering from loss, or just fundamentally restless, these teachings are tailor made. The main point is that we all need to be reminded and encouraged to relax with whatever arises and bring whatever we encounter to the path…”

To relax with whatever arises, inside of us and around us may feel utterly difficult, maybe even impossible, when our whole being, from the top down, is occupied by fear. We feel the fear, and we just want to run. And as we run away from fear – which we believe is our enemy – we may seek shelter in the company of alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, shopping, or sex, hoping and believing that the fear will go away, never to return. We may isolate, cutting ourselves off from family, friends, and social gatherings in general, attempting to make that, which is scary, go away. Believing that now, we are safe from ever feeling fear again. Believing that fear is our enemy, “someone” to avoid at all costs. To cover up our fear, we may harden ourselves into building protective walls around our vulnerability, and come to believe that frustration, and anger are the only emotions that are safe for us to show. Or, fear overwhelms us to a point where we believe, that if we are compliant, fear will leave us alone.

I don’t know what you were told about fear, but I do know that during my developmental years, I learned a lot about how to run from fear, but no one ever told me to move closer, to just be there, and to become familiar with fear. As Pema Chödrön says, “…the advise we usually get is to sweeten it up, smooth it over, take a pill, or distract ourselves, but by all means make it go away. We don’t need that kind of encouragement, because dissociating from fear is what we do naturally. We habitually spin off and freak out when there’s even the merest hint of fear. We feel it coming and we check out…”

I am still learning and practicing to have an intimate relationship with fear, and I’ve come to believe that having an understanding, respect, and compassion for how our emotions have the power to run us around in circles, can help us to believe in our basic goodness, and in having the capacity to stop harming ourselves in different kind of ways. The present moment has a lot to teach us, especially when we quiet down the shatter, and allowing our minds to be fully present. The following story from Pema’s book  has been utterly helpful, not only to me, but also to many of my clients during their healing journy:

“…Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher told her that she had to do battle with fear. She didn’t want to do that. It seemed too aggressive; it was scary; it seemed unfriendly. But the teacher said she had to do it and gave her instructions for the battle. The day arrived. The student warrior stood on one side, and fear stood on the other. The warrior was feeling very small, and fear was looking big and wrathful. They both had their weapons. The young warrior roused herself and went toward fear, prostrated three times, and asked, “May I have the permission to go into battle with you?” Fear said, “Thank you for showing me so much respect that you ask permission.” Then the warrior said, “How can I defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that I talk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then you get completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say. If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. You can listen to me, and you can have respect for me. You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t do what I say, I have no power.” In that way, the student warrior learned how to defeat fear…”

Posted in Addictions, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Attachment, Binge Eating Disorders, Bulimia, Childhood trauma, Codependency, Complex trauma, Depression, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Healing, Mindful living, Mindfulness, Panic Attacks, Severe Trauma, Sexual abuse, sexual assault, The Present Moment, Trauma, Trauma Survivors | Tagged | Leave a comment

The Stigma of Eating Disorders

Posted on October 30, 2011 by

One month has passed since The Binge Eating Disorder Association, BEDA, made September 26 – 30 to a National Weight Stigma Awareness Week. The call for awareness of  traumatizing effects of shaming remarks to children, and adults, about their weight is excellent, and ought to be ever-present in our minds so change can happen.

On BEDA’s website, we can read the following story:

…“Home should have been a safe place.

I was a little kid, always on guard in my own house with my own family, made to feel uncomfortable in my own skin…just waiting. The message was loud and clear. I was smart, sweet, well behaved. I had a “very pretty face”, blond curls, bright blue eyes. But “What a shame…”. I was too fat. Loud and clear and heart breaking; I was not acceptable as I was.

This weight stigma was ever present. It came from my Mom, who had her own body issues, and from an unhappy older brother who clearly saw me as an interloper in his world. He seemed compelled to carry his anger and his bullying into our school. He’d yell, “Hi Tubs”, whenever our classes passed in the hallways as if to distance himself from this shamefully fat little girl to whom he was unfortunately related. By junior and senior high school, he’d gotten all of his friends in school, at home, even at summer camp, to call me “Ray”, after Ray Nitschke, a middle linebacker for the Green Bay Packers.

The message was also delivered by my mother’s mother, who regularly baked cakes and cookies to express her love for her family, then sternly stated, in front of everyone that I was only to eat “one”. My grandfather was equally direct. Over and over again, publically, he offered to pay me one dollar for every pound I could lose.

For me, weight stigma started at home. I never felt safe. Is there any wonder why I was vulnerable to developing a binge eating disorder?…”

As a therapist, I meet some of these children as adults! Their stories vary, but the common theme is the hurt, and the pain, and the lack of self-acceptance. They come to therapy to get help with depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, or lack of self-worth. They describe how they hate their bodies. They reveal how boyfriends have broken up with them because of their weight. They reveal eating secretly at night, because eating has become closely connected to shame. They pour out a litany of self-degrading comments. Some have developed a Binge Eating Disorder, or another kind of eating disorder. Developmental trauma histories, and attachment deficits, or acute stress are intimately connected to eating disorders.

Disordered eating can become a “secret internal prison” for dealing with emotional stress, painful memories (past or present), and to cope with not only one’s own internal judge, but also the echos of external prosecutors.  No wonder, that many feel that the forces driving their disordered eating are too strong, too big to overcome!

However, with help and support from a trusted other, we can “bring to life” our inner resources, and find safe places within where we have access to all the skills we need to care for and about our selves, to identify stressors and adaptively deal with them, to balance strong emotions, to manage the effects of feelings that hurts, and to “listen” to our bodies.

If you want to share your experience from how you struggle with, or have overcome an eating disorder, I will read and listen with interest. I also believe that your story will help others.

Warmly,

MarieLouise Dodson, MA, LMHC

Posted in Anxiety disorders, Attachment, Binge Eating Disorders, Bulimia, Childhood trauma, Complex trauma, Depression, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, EMDR, Relationships, Severe Trauma, Sexual abuse, sexual assault, Stress, Tension, Trauma, Trauma Survivors, Trauma Therapy | Leave a comment

The Healing Power of Music

Posted on October 24, 2011 by

Music has long been recognized for its therapeutic value. Aeons ago, David was summoned to play for King Saul to help chase away his majesty’s “evil spirits.” Today, music is known for its ability to affect mood, trigger memories and foster loving associations. But did you know that certain forms of music — particularly classical and baroque — can help you tap into your own innate ability to heal your heart?

According to an article in Los Angeles Times from 2010, researchers are finding that music may be an effective balm for many afflictions, such as: the isolation of conditions such as autism and Alzheimer’s disease, the disability that results from stroke, the physical stress of entering the world too early. Neuroscientists are exploring the role of music in treatment of speech and movement. It appears that the rhythmic qualities of music get in the back door of a patient’s brain and provide a work-around to brain functions degraded by Parkinson’s. By engaging the network of regions that perceive and anticipate rhythm, music with a steady, predictable beat can be used to cue the brain’s motor regions to initiate walking.

More recently, in September 2011, on the CW33 channel, we could hear  that music therapy was a key part of U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords’ miraculous recovery, and students at Texas Woman’s University are now learning how to help others through the sound of music.

Music has been a constant companion throughout my life, beginning in early infancy with my father plying the fiddle, singing, and laughing, and entertaining us at home, as well as producing ear candy for his audience from stage. My son has inherited, not only his grandfather’s love for music,  but also his father’s tremendous talent. With this heritage, and most of all, deep rooted compassion and dedication to music, he works as a music therapist in Sweden. With pride and joy, I see and hear how he is bringing growth and engagement  to all the men and women he’s working with.

Posted in Aging, Anxiety disorders, Childhood trauma, Depression, Dissociation, Healing, Healing Music, Stress, Tension, Uncategorized, Worry | Leave a comment

Walking Down Memory Lane…

Posted on October 22, 2011 by

I read an article about drunk driving in The New York Times this week,  which took me on a trip down memory lane to the time when I was a social worker at a community addiction clinic in Sweden.

One day, our head nurse came into my office to consult about a new patient. He was a man in his early 40′s. A “walk-in,” primarily seeking help with his depression. He admittedly drank on occasion, but “not much.” Did I have time to see him?

The man stepping into my office a few minutes later was proper, oriented, coherent, well dressed, and seemingly sober. After a 20 minutes conversation about his alcohol habits, it had became evident that he consumed way more alcohol than “just a little.” When, on my way to reach for some testing instruments, I passed his chair, I noticed a scent of what I believed to be alcohol, and I asked him if he had been drinking anything prior to coming to the clinic. He immediately said, “Yes, I had a couple beers in the morning.”

I explained that it might be of interest to find out if there’s still some alcohol left in his body, even if several hours had passed since he drank. He agreed. I went to the nurse’s station to get a breathalyzer to measure his blood-alcohol level, and  asked him to breathe into the instrument. Waiting for the result, the meter kept going up and up, and I concluded something must have gone wrong with the test. I called the nurse and asked if she had the time to bring me another breathalyzer, and with the new instrument in my hand, I asked the patient to re-take the test. History repeated itself – the first test result, 0.43 BAC , came up again.

With a BAC level of 0.43, the patient standing in front of me should have been dead! Why wasn’t he? Two major factors “saved him!”

He had progressively developed a very high tolerance for alcohol which, in simple terms was evident through his demeanor: he appeared to be sober, he walked, talked, and behaved as if he was not under the influence of any mood altering substance. In other words, my patient’s body system had, through drinking on a regular basis, for a long period of time, learned to tolerate huge amounts of alcohol – to the point of shaking hands with death.

In case any of my readers wonder if my patient was driving his car to the clinic, the answer is: Yes, he did!

When he left the clinic, he had agreed to be transported to the hospitals detox unit.He also willingly left the keys to his car at the nurse’s station.

Posted in Addictions, Adult Children of Alcoholics, Alcoholism, Childhood trauma, Codependency, Depression, Drunk Driving, Psychotherapy, Trauma, Uncategorized, Worry | Leave a comment

Make A Mammogram Promise

Posted on October 12, 2011 by
Posted in Health, Mindful living, Uncategorized, Women's Health | Leave a comment

Seasonal mood changes

Posted on October 8, 2011 by

The fall has arrived!

As the days are getting shorter, the rainy, grey and foggy days – especially in this part of the world – are more frequently visiting, and the long winter nights are waiting to “knock on the door,” Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) can follow as an unwelcome guest. SAD can build up slowly in the late fall and winter months, and the symptoms are most often the same as what we see in depression:

  • Your appetite may increase and lead to weight gain.
  • In the afternoon, your energy level may decrease, and you find it more difficult to concentrate.
  • You can find yourself sleepy during the days, and sleeping longer than usual at night.
  • Work and leisure activities can suddenly feel less interesting and inspiring.
  • Socializing with others may feel undesirable, and you may notice that you are withdrawing into yourself.
  • Happiness and contentment may turn more into unhappiness and irritability.

PREVENTION

There are a few actions you can take to prevent or ease the effects of SAD:

  • Taking long walks during the daylight hours and getting exercise can make the symptoms better.
  • Keeping active socially, even if it involves some effort.
  • Keeping up a healthy diet with all necessary nutrients, and eating regular meals throughout the day.
  • Your primary care physician can make a diagnosis by asking about your history of symptoms, and also do a physical exam, check if your D-vitamin levels are normal, and take blood tests to rule out other disorders that are similar to SAD.

TREATMENT

Antidepressant medication, and psychotherapy can be effective.

Light therapy using a special lamp with a very bright fluorescent light (10,000 lux) that mimics light from the sun may also be helpful. Follow your doctor’s instructions about how to use light therapy. A common practice is to sit a couple of feet away from the light box for about 30 minutes every day. This is usually done in the early morning to mimic sunrise. Keep your eyes open, but do not look straight into the light source. Symptoms of depression should improve within 3 – 4 weeks if light therapy is going to help.

If you are taking medications that make you sensitive to light, such as certain psoriasis drugs, antibiotics, or antipsychotics, you should always consult with your primary care physician before starting light therapy, and a check-up with your eye doctor is also recommended before starting treatment.

With no treatment, symptoms usually get better on their own with the change of seasons. However, your symptoms can improve more quickly with treatment.

MarieLouise Dodson, MA, LMHC

Posted in Counseling, Depression, Health, Psychotherapy | 2 Comments